Rebellions are built on hope

Once again, we in the US are getting an up-close and personal object lesson in hatred. The attack in Las Vegas is leaving a lot of us speechless, and those of us who can speak can only talk about anger and fear. There's nothing wrong with that - there's fear and anger aplenty to go around, and expressing it, sharing your concerns with the people you're close to, prevents it from festering.

However, we need more. Fear and anger alone aren't enough to make the changes we need to see happen - if they were, every oppressive regime and reign of terror would end almost as soon as it began. No, we need conviction, and hope, and optimism. Those are what will drive us to make things happen.

Optimism and hope are words that tend to be very brightly colored in our society. They're the sparkly unicorn birthday cakes of words - hearing them makes one think of Care Bears and pretty, slightly dopey sidekicks who are always looking on the bright side. We tend to underestimate the power of those words. But optimism isn't Pollyanna-style thinking; optimism is the simple belief that tomorrow can be better than today. Big or small, for everyone or just for one person, forever or for just a moment, tomorrow can be better than today.

Hope and conviction are how you move from "tomorrow can be better" to "watch me make tomorrow better than today." And again, you don't have to solve all of the problems for everyone forever. Most of you are only human, after all.* But helping one person feel better for just a minute, even if (especially if) it doesn't take any extra effort on your part - that's progress. That's not to be denied. It adds up.

It's a marathon, and we all need to take breaks. I'm returning from a leave of absence at work, because I didn't take the breaks I needed until they were forced upon me. For the record, I don't recommend going that route. Be careful, be safe, ask for help when you need it, and remember that anything that improves another person's day, even just for a second, is moving us forward. So send the silly text to your folks, share the adorable animal pictures, tell that random stranger that they are really rocking their look today. It's all a Katamari of change, and it'll all roll together until it destroys the specters of hate.

Numb

I'm writing this on Sunday evening, and I'm still trying to make sense of things. The shooting in Orlando was the first thing I read when I woke up, and I'm still not sure how to move forward.

I should be more angry. I should be in tears, railing against the hate of humanity, the senseless violence. I should be reaching out to everyone, getting comfort from the people around me and providing as much comfort as I can. Instead, all I feel is helpless.

I feel like there's nothing I can do, nothing tangible that I can do to make this kind of thing stop. I feel like I don't have a right to be angry on the behalf of people I've never met, who are part of a community that I've never fully been a member of. I find myself paralyzed, and I don't know how to move forward.

I can only pray for healing for the people affected by this tragedy. Even that feels like empty words, but I don't know what else I can offer.